Why do women stay in abusive relationships?

Why do women stay in abusive relationships?

A million-dollar question. Why do women stay in abusive relationships? However, the question should be, why are men abusing women? There are various reasons why women stay in abusive relationships; most of these reasons have nothing to do with the women choosing to stay, but how society is built makes her have no choice but to stay. I will go through each reason below, followed by how we can change our mindset and community to live in a world where women can leave unhealthy situations.

Do not recognize it as domestic violence

The first reason is women stay; she does not recognize themselves in domestic violence or abusive relationship. Apart from physical violence, society treats all other forms of violence as blame on women themselves. Let me give you examples:

Sexual Violence

When it comes to sexual violence, it will turn on to the woman that she wanted it, she was involved in a relationship, and that’s what relationships entitled. However, if there is force, coercion into a sexual situation is not consent. Once the choice is taken, consent in a sexual relationship is gone, then it’s a form of sexual violence. This could mean the person is not in their right state of mind, or is threatened by violence to themselves or their family members, or cannot make the decision.

Mental and Emotional Violence

Another example: mental and emotional abuse turns to the woman not being able to handle her emotions and not expressing and speaking up for themselves. Through continuous mental and emotional abuse, one learns that it is normal and something wrong with herself. Instead of saying it from another person’s constant control of how she is being treated, she takes it within herself that something is wrong with her.

Lack of options

In most cases, abuse does not happen overnight or is a one-time incident. It builds over time. Once control is taken from one person to another person, it continues. In a healthy relationship, growth is recognized by both parties. Encouragement and self-development are in the form of understanding. Whereas in an unhealthy relationship, one person has more control over another person. This leads to controlling the other person’s career, education, financial situation, friends and family, etc. When a person tries to leave the problem, those things that will help the person leave have diminished. The lack of options available to get themselves back on their feet is gone.

Not ready to leave

Lack of options goes with not being ready to leave. It is easier to stay in a situation where you know what will come than to leave the case to the unknown. She may not have the financial means to move out to her place. Friends and family ties have been cut off, so moving to another place with another person is limited. She is mentally not able to do it on her own. The abuse is present, but she may not believe she is in an unhealthy situation, but she needs to work on herself.

Staying for the kids

Staying for the kids is a big reason why women choose to stay in unhealthy situations. The father may be a good father but not a good husband. The abuse happens to the women but not the children. So that makes the women believe that she is doing something wrong. If she chooses to leave, then she is choosing to leave her family. If she goes with the kids, she is separating the father from the children. The guilty and self-blame kicks in to cause her to believe there is something wrong with her. Now include the financial constraints of getting a divorce, going to court to prove that you are fit to have custody.

It is safer to stay than leave.

You know what is going on and how to handle the situation, but the outside world is less predictable. You can control the situation through your actions at home. The lack of shelters and resources does not allow you to pick up and leave. The most dangerous time for the victim of domestic violence to go is when she decided to leave physically. If she tries to leave when he is around, he may be preventing her. Or if she hides her way of going, he will try to find her, and if he does find her, the situation worsens. If you choose to stay, the problem is more predictable.

How do we create the real society.

What can we do as a society to help women be able to leave situations that become violent? First, we must build our community around how we treat women like they are their people. Do jobs that will center around the need of families. We separate family life from work life, but in reality, for women, work and family life overlap. Third, we must allow for flexibility when life situations arrive and do not punish women for things they cannot control. Fourth, to enable women to move into higher positions without being looked down upon as women or mothers.

We need to build a system where women are cared for in every part of their life. No matter what happens at any stage in her life, she is cared for. We want independence as women, we want to make our own money, but when life doesn’t follow the path of goodness, all of the responsibility falls on the women. Women are stuck with dealing with all the hardship. This includes domestic violence situations, divorce, becoming a widow. Women need to build to be protected from harm and provide a space for women to become successful.

Leave a Reply